Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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