my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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