If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
