and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
