Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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