i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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