thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
