During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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