I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
