just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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