Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We are two peas in an std pod
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
