Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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