I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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