I wanna bring you to show and tell
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
