Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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