my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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