Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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