i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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