mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
