i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
