I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
