You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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