i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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