Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
