So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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