I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
