I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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