you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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