We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come share oat with me in your robe
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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