why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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