I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
