I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
