Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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