I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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