Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
