there's paper in my vomit.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
