I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
