He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
