he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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