she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
