just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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