So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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