I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
