Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
