next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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