After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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