i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
