i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
