I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
