only if we run a train.
done.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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