Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
