oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
