just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
