guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
